1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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