At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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