I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
