Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
