My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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