i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
