I have demons in me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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