Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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