went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
