matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
