I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The air taste purple.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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