Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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