FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
