You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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