Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
