last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
