Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
