Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
