drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
