I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
