My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
my liver is dry heaving
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
