I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
