She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
