My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im holly from the hills drunk
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Someone came in the potted fern
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
