If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
