forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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