She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
