I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
