Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Couch. On fire.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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