Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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