So drunk its hurt
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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