I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
