peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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