He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
