I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She's the barista slut.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
