I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
