I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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