you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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