i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
