she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
