He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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