He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
