If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I want a musical about memes.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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