I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
