So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
