hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just forgot I was standing up.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
