i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
