Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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