I could make wine with my vomit
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
