he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
