when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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