Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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