Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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