There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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