If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
