i need an iv and a liver transplant
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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