He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Couch. On fire.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
