hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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