was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
