Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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