They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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